Monday, November 14, 2016

Check-in and Fall Recipes!

It is exactly two weeks since I lost baby boy. The first week was up and down. I am incredibly grateful for the letters, texts, calls, messages, and thoughts after sharing my story. I am fully aware that some won't understand- my previous self wouldn't- some (more than I thought) have gone through something similar and everything inbetween. I have gone back to work and gone back into the gym. I am trying to find my new "normal" and I truly feel that I am forever changed. My priorities moving forward are different. My good friend sent me a letter that said, "Situations like this will change you. The only thing you can choose is if you change for the better." I can only choose to change for the better- I have a little one still watching my moves and how I react to this will affect her as well. I don't have a choice but to be a parent, do I want to wear sweat pants and cry in a ball until I feel better some days? Absolutely. But that won't change my reality and I need to move forward. I am someone who wants to try again immediately upon failure and I feel like this was a failure. I am having the hardest time getting over the fact that this wasn't my fault, it was no one's fault. My baby's heart stopped because of nothing but crap luck basically. That's hard to take. I still blame myself- go through everything I did or didn't do- I know myself and I know I probably won't have closure until I have a healthy baby in my arms.

My second week I feel like mentally has been harder. We got his ashes and I cried for a while after that- the entire situation has me still fairly angry and bitter. Even though I am back in the gym (yay!), I am struggling and feeling defeated there too. I know when you have a baby you make sacrifices and physically will lose some strength and endurance. I was prepared for that. It is hitting me hard that I lost strength/endurance on top of not having a baby. It feels like a waste. I lost him and then lost again. I have some amazing friends who are keeping me positive when I want to cry. I realize I can "get it back," but it is more that I lost it in the first place for what seems like no reason now. 

But here I am... starting slow, but glad I'm back- a WOD of 30 muscle ups for time turned into 10 rds of 5 C2B/5 ring dips. Week 3- crying a lot less, trying to be more positive, and when I'm healed we can try for a baby again. In the meantime, it's time to start training! My set-back is my opportunity for a comeback.

As I try to get everything back together physically, Matt and I are getting our diets back on track as well. I have been cooking up a storm... here is what meal prep looked like this week: 

- Sweet Potatoes- roasted at 425 degrees for 20ish min, on parchment lined sheets, tossed in avocado oil (high smoke point), garlic salt, black pepper and paprika 
- Baked Chicken- baked at 375 degrees for 25-30 min, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper
- Stir-fried veggies- purchased at Costco in the frozen section... amazing! Green beans, broccoli, snap peppers, peppers, onion, water chestnuts. Stir-fried in a wok with a drizzle of oil.  
- Oikos Triple- zero Vanilla Yogurt and pomegranate seeds
- White Rice
- Sausage, Egg and Potato Bake- 1 lb sausage (browned and crumbled in a pan), 12 eggs, 1 cup milk, 8oz Frozen, Shredded potatoes (ie: simply potatoes), salt and pepper- In a greased 9"x13" glass dish- spread out the potatoes. Top with sausage. Whisk milk, eggs, salt and pepper- pour on top. Wrap in tin foil and bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. 

For lunch I am having vegetables, 1/2 cup rice, 1/2 chicken breast, 1 tbsp peanut butter, and soy sauce. Matt is having the same except more of everything and sweet potatoes too. :)

I also am having a sweet tooth for no reason so I made a pumpkin bundt cake and my take on a ginger snap! 

Pumpkin Bundt Cake

- 2.5 Cups Coconut Sugar (or brown sugar)
- 1 Cup Melted Butter (one stick)
- 3 eggs
- 3 Cups Flour
- 2 tsp Baking Soda
- 2 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice
- 1 tsp Cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp Salt
- 1 15-oz Can Solid Pumpkin- puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling)

Preheat Oven to 350 degrees
1. Combine the sugar and butter in a large bowl or stand mixer. Cream with a hand-beater or the mixer. Add eggs, one at a time, mixing between each addition. 
2. Whisk the dry ingredients together. Add 1/3 of the mixture to the liquid, beat, add 1/2 can pumpkin, beat, add another 1/3 flour, beat... until both pumpkin and flour are added and well combined. 
3. Grease a bundt pan. Bake 60 minutes until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Let it cool completely before removing. 


(makes 12-14 cookies)

- 3/4 Cup Almond Butter (or other nut butter)
- 3/4 Cup Coconut Sugar (or brown sugar)
- 1 Egg
- 3 tsp Ground Ginger
- 1 tsp Cinnamon
- 1 tsp Vanilla
- Pinch of Salt

Preheat Oven to 400 degrees.
1. In a food processor, combine the coconut sugar and spices. Pulse until fine. 
2. Add the egg and almond butter. Run the food processor until a "ball" forms. Take out the blade. Using a tablespoon, roll the dough into balls and place them on a parchment lined cookie sheet. 

Press down slightly until they are 1/4" thick. Bake 10-12 minutes. Let them cool completely before eating. 

Nutrition Facts
Servings 13.0
Amount Per Serving
calories 137
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 8 g12 %
Saturated Fat 2 g8 %
Monounsaturated Fat 4 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 2 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 14 mg5 %
Sodium 17 mg1 %
Potassium 12 mg0 %
Total Carbohydrate 15 g5 %
Dietary Fiber 2 g8 %
Sugars 12 g
Protein 4 g8 %
Vitamin A0 %
Vitamin C0 %
Calcium4 %
Iron4 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing your heart. You are in my thoughts and cheering you on from the sidelines.