All the feels lately, contributing to my inability to be motivated to write a post, sorry. We got to hear the heartbeat last week, which is such an amazing sound, but that night I found myself incredibly sad. I feel like there is a misconception that when a woman becomes pregnant again after a loss that everything is right again in the world and somehow everything associated with that loss should feel better. I am excited to have this baby, but I really wanted that one, the one that's gone and the one I can't have. My feelings of joy are not replacing my feelings of loss, and actually I am having a very hard time having feelings of joy. Every milestone is met with the fear that if I connect or get excited or register for baby things even, that something bad will happen again. I have a legit fear that I may never have a healthy child again. Everything last time was so sudden and unprecedented it is hard to push that thought away. I can read all the cliches, "everything happens for a reason" it wasn't "meant to be," etc. but at this point that doesn't make me feel better... how do you know if fate is on your side this time? You don't and there is very little to be done about it. Stay positive, I remind myself, and I am trying, but every appointment and ultrasound I am still afraid. I am sure anyone who has suffered a loss feel the same, I can only imagine the devastation for someone to lose a living child, or one closer to term... I also know I am misunderstood by those that have not suffered a loss, that they are reading this thinking, "get over it already" and I can relate because before this I would have felt the same. As I enter the second trimester I no longer see this as the "safe period." I am realizing I don't want to put the feelings of the last pregnancy on this new one, its like a bad relationship. Just because I don't trust anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't trust again. Am I still going to have moments of panic? Probably. Am I still going to be sad I had a stillbirth? Absolutely. But bring it trimester two...
Food!
I am finally moving away from straight carbs. Yay!On the Menu- two different lasagnas, homemade tamales Matt can't get enough of, and Homemade Chicken Pot Pie.
Crockpot Sweet Potato Lasgana
... a classic from when I was more in the paleo mindset... still delicous. I doubled the ricotta because why not.
- 2 Sweet Potatoes, peeled and cut in 1/4-1/2 inch circles (I used a mandolin, aim for thin)
- 1 lb Grass-Fed Ground Beef- 1 Sweet Onion, finely chopped,
- 2 Garlic Cloves, minced
- 1 tsp Italian Seasoning
- 1 6-oz Can Tomato Paste
- 1 29-oz Can Tomato Puree (or crushed tomatoes or tomato sauce)
- 1 15-oz Tub Part-skim Ricotta Cheese (I doubled this :)
- 1 10-oz Package Chopped Frozen Spinach
- Olive Oil
- Salt and Pepper
- Raw Parmesan Cheese* optional
1. Make the sauce- heat a little olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic and a pinch of salt and pepper and saute until translucent, about 3-5 minutes. Add the ground beef. Break it up while it is cooking and cook until browned. Add the tomato puree, Italian seasoning, a bit more salt and tomato paste. Reduce the heat and stir. Let it sit while you prepare the sweet potatoes and cheese.
2. Combine the ricotta and spinach together in a bowl- add a little salt and pepper.
| Servings 5.0 | |
| Amount Per Serving | |
| calories 541 | |
| % Daily Value * | |
| Total Fat 20 g | 30 % |
| Saturated Fat 9 g | 43 % |
| Monounsaturated Fat 4 g | |
| Polyunsaturated Fat 1 g | |
| Trans Fat 0 g | |
| Cholesterol 87 mg | 29 % |
| Sodium 681 mg | 28 % |
| Potassium 928 mg | 27 % |
| Total Carbohydrate 53 g | 18 % |
| Dietary Fiber 9 g | 36 % |
| Sugars 35 g | |
| Protein 41 g | 81 % |
| Vitamin A | 329 % |
| Vitamin C | 35 % |
| Calcium | 38 % |
| Iron | 29 % |
| * The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA. | |
Regular Lasagna... GIANT version
- 3 lbs Grass-Fed Ground Beef
- 1 Large, Sweet Onion, finely chopped
- 4 Garlic Cloves, minced
- 2 tsp Italian Seasoning
- 1 6-oz Can Tomato Paste
- 1 29-oz Can Tomato Sauce
- 1 15-oz Can Tomato Sauce (or crushed tomatoes)
- 1 32-oz Tub Part-skim Ricotta Cheese
- 1 10-oz Package Chopped Frozen Spinach, thawed and squeezed
- 1 Box Lasagna Pasta, doesn't matter if it is oven-ready or not I discovered!
- Olive Oil
- Salt and Pepper
- 1 Cup Mozzarella
1. Make the sauce- heat a little olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic and a pinch of salt and pepper and saute until translucent, about 3-5 minutes. Add the ground beef. Break it up while it is cooking and cook until browned. Add the tomato products, Italian seasoning, a bit more salt.. Reduce the heat and stir. Let it sit while you prepare the cheese.
2. Combine the ricotta and spinach together in a bowl- add a little salt and pepper.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
3. In a really large... like bigger than 9x13" if you have it... add a little sauce to the bottom of the pan, no spray or grease needed. Layer noodles (uncooked), 1/3 ricotta, then sauce, keep layering until you reach the top- add some mozzarella to the top before baking to make it extra delicious. Bake 30-45 minutes until it is bubbly.
- 1 Large, Sweet Onion, finely chopped
- 4 Garlic Cloves, minced
- 2 tsp Italian Seasoning
- 1 6-oz Can Tomato Paste
- 1 29-oz Can Tomato Sauce
- 1 15-oz Can Tomato Sauce (or crushed tomatoes)
- 1 32-oz Tub Part-skim Ricotta Cheese
- 1 10-oz Package Chopped Frozen Spinach, thawed and squeezed
- 1 Box Lasagna Pasta, doesn't matter if it is oven-ready or not I discovered!
- Olive Oil
- Salt and Pepper
- 1 Cup Mozzarella
1. Make the sauce- heat a little olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the onion, garlic and a pinch of salt and pepper and saute until translucent, about 3-5 minutes. Add the ground beef. Break it up while it is cooking and cook until browned. Add the tomato products, Italian seasoning, a bit more salt.. Reduce the heat and stir. Let it sit while you prepare the cheese.
2. Combine the ricotta and spinach together in a bowl- add a little salt and pepper.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Homemade Tamales
(makes A LOT- but I eat 5 at a time so that's ok) I got this recipe from a colleague :)
Filling:
- 2 Sweet Onions- 3 Clove Garlic
- 2+ lbs Beef
- 2 Tbsp Salt
- 1 tsp Cayenne
- 1/2 Cup Cornmeal
- 1/2 Cup Water
- 1 14.5oz Can Tomato Sauce
- 1/4 Cup Chili Powder
- 1 tsp Cumin
In a food processor, chop the onion and garlic until pureed. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients, plus the onion and garlic mixture, and mix thoroughly.
Tameles:
- 2 Cups Cornmeal
- 1 tsp Cayenne
- 1 (8-10 oz) Bag Corn Shucks
- 2 Cups Water
- 1 46-oz Container Tomato Juice
- 2 Tbsp Chili Powder
1. Combine cornmeal and cayenne in a shallow dish. Soak the corn shucks in hot water, unroll into individual shucks.
2. To assemble, take 1-2 big tablespoons of filling and form into a cigar shape. Roll in the cornmeal. Place the tamale filling in the corn shuck and roll it up. Tear strips from another shuck to make ties at each end of the rolled shuck. Layer the tamales, alternating the direction of the layers, in a LARGE stock pot. Finish with the rest of the filling.
Homemade Pot Pie
I had leftover pie crust still in my freezer from Thanksgiving (hence the odd cut outs in the top layer)! We lost power for a few days so things thawed and I thought what better way to use them than in a pot pie. So easy to make you'll never want the frozen, store-bought kind again.
- 1-2 Chicken Breasts, cooked and shredded (about 1.5lbs)
- 2 Carrots, peeled and diced
- 1 Small Onion, chopped
- 2 Garlic Cloves, minced
- 1/3 Cup Butter
- 1/3 Cup Flour
- 1/2 tsp Fresh Black Pepper
- 1/2 tsp Dried Thyme
- 1 3/4 Chicken Stock
- 2/3 Cup Milk
- 1 Cup Frozen Peas
- Salt to taste
- 2 - 9" Unbaked Pie Crusts
1. Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the carrots, onion and garlic. Saute until tender (about 5 minutes.) Add the flour and whisk.
2. Slowly add the stock while whisking to prevent clumps. Add the milk and whisk the same as before. Add the black pepper and thyme. Bring to a boil and whisk until it thickens, this should only be a matter of minutes. Taste for salt. Turn off the heat, stir in the chicken and peas. Set aside to cool.
Preheat oven to 425 Degrees.
3. Press one of the pie crusts into an ungreased pie pan. Pour in the filling. Top with the other crust and use a knife to create vent holes.
Bake 30 minutes until bubbly and golden brown.
(if you want to freeze this and bake it later, just don't bake it, put it in the freezer as an unbaked "pie" )
